The Darkness In My Heart
I been reading a bit of Joel Osteen today. Yes, believe it or not.
I would consider myself a Christian.
I certainly do not always practice what is preached, or what I preach….
…..but it is what it is.
In this book, it talked alot about Character development being done when we are in “the dark.”
I think I have probably always believed that.
However I haven’t thought about it much.
It is a very powerful idea for us, and as I look back at my life, and these last several writings of mine, I believe a lot of examples seem to be lingering around.
An example for instance is when a firefighter graduates the Fire Academy, they really don’t know shit.
Its not their fault. Its just how can you know what you really haven’t lived.
Textbooks are wonderful, but we really need that burning building, those injured victims, the deaths, the “dark.”
On the other side of the “dark’ spectrum is drug addiction, and the many crimes and lifestyles that have the tendancy to surround us in our addiction.
Detox, the mean and scuzzy streets of cities like Trenton, the constant dark, the constant struggle to support a $200, $300 habit (when you don’t have a job).
Fascinating thought huh?
The dark part of that, has molded a lot of the character in me today.
Those are the bigger dark borders of many smaller ones.
For instance; trying to rehab with a Counselor who has not suffered from addiction, or had their lives touched by it someway, other then schooling.
Anybody can memorize anything.
Or just being in a Government funded rehab that is nothing more then…..
……A glorified Summer camp version of a minimum security jail.
The governments, the feds, the states, the ones who want us to simply “REACH” them (think a lot about that word) are not doing much at all.
How can most beaurocrats know anything personally about guiding people out of the dark?
Call some phone numbers and tell me how you make out.
You also better have some fancy insurance too.
If not, your reach probably won’t even come out of the dark enough to see any light.
I am not trying to offer a negative rant of pessimism.
I am just trying to shed some light onto not only our addiction darkness, but the true darkness of trying to get ourselves help, after seeing some tv commercials all day that are trying to reach out to you.
The darkness in our lives can be a great stepping stone, a great mountain of lessons learned, but we cannot count time on our side.
Time is ticking away for us addicts.
It is either, look for the light now……
…..or die trying.
Be more then a lesson learned for your survivors.
Teach some lessons, shed some examples of positive light onto the nights before its too late.
We will either die or barely survive from addiction.
When we check the stats of how many elderly heroin addicts are out there still ripping and running, it reminds me that I will die if I don’t start learning from my darkness, keep moving toward the light.
Keep the pitch blackness behind.
It is a blessing enough, that I am not so fried where I cant even say or type a sentence.
Let none of my character molding have been done in vain.
Let nobody I have hurt be done in vain.
