Designer, 24, shares her agonising battle with anorexia that saw her weight plunge to a potentially deadly 42 kilos - and the moment she dragged herself from the abyss

• e-mail

Maddison Islaub is about to launch her own fashion label and is engaged to the love of her life.

At 24 the stunning brunette who lives on Sydney's Bondi Beach has much to to look forward to.

But just a few years ago the former model was in the grips of a deadly battle with anorexia nervosa, depression and anxiety.

BEFORE: Just a few years ago former model Maddison Islaub (pictured) was in the grips of a deadly battle with anorexia nervosa, depression and anxiety

NOW: Maddison works with personal trainer Jono Castano on building her lean muscle and healing from the inside out (pictured)

'I used to go into modelling agencies when I was about 17 and get told to come back in a year when I had lost some "baby fat",' Miss Islaub explained of her start.

While the fashion world excited her and she described some of the jobs she had as 'incredible', there was always a niggling pressure 'in her head' to maintain a skinnier figure.  

'One day, after I had lost a lot of weight, I tried out for Australia's Next Top Model. The judges Alex Perry and Jennifer Hawkins both told me to come back after I'd gained weight,' she explained.

'They wanted me to be on the show but couldn't risk the ratings and media assumptions of me being on the show after Cassi [Van Den Dungen] got all the scrutiny for being underweight.

'That one killed me the most. Too big or too small... I was never enough.'

At the time Miss Islaub was 'inundating' herself with information about different diets and lifestyles, putting a lot of pressure on herself to maintain her weight.  

'I used to go into modelling agencies when I was about 17 and get told to come back in a year when I had lost some "baby fat",' Miss Islaub explained of her start (pictured before)

While the fashion world excited her and she described some of the jobs she had as 'incredible', there was always a niggling pressure 'in her head' to maintain a skinnier figure (pictured now)

'I'd cut out every carb, oil, and limit my fats... basically eating vegetables. I'd see beautiful, skinny girls with what I saw as incredible bodies all over my feed... and I'd look in the mirror and think I was massive.

Her attitude towards food and exercise at the time was 'obsessive' and involved excessive cardio, running and avoiding social situations.  

'I'd pack every lunch, I would read menus before going out with friends or families to see if I can "eat there" and if I couldn't, I would find a reason to cancel,' she said.

'If I didn't have a choice and had to eat out I would get so much anxiety and just start crying. I wouldn't let anyone cook for me because I couldn't see what was going in it. 

'If I had nights out or I was "bad" with eating I would make myself sick, abuse laxatives or increase my exercise. It was a really, really dark and scary place.'

Her attitude towards food and exercise at the time was 'obsessive' and involved excessive cardio, running and avoiding social situations

At the depths of her illness, Miss Islaub returned home from a holiday and moved back in with her parents, feeling like her 'life was falling apart'

At the depths of her illness, Miss Islaub returned home from a holiday and moved back in with her parents, feeling like her 'life was falling apart'.

'I was so depressed and anxious. Relationships were broken, I stopped seeing friends or doing anything. I had no energy, I was always freezing cold. I just wanted to sleep,' she said.

'My mum forced me to go to my GP... she took me down there and told me we were just testing my bloods. It was the best thing she could have done.

'They weighed me and at 5'9 [175cm] in height I was a very scary 42 kilos. I had two options... get admitted to hospital with a feeding tube or make a change now.

'The thought of hospital scared me so much. I made a promise I would help myself. My parents honestly saved my life, they were there for me through the hardest times... screaming, crying when I had to eat, but we eventually got there.'

'I was so depressed and anxious. Relationships were broken, I stopped seeing friends or doing anything. I had no energy, I was always freezing cold. I just wanted to sleep,' she said

Miss Islaub quit modelling but admits her recovery is a 'life long game' of learning to love herself

Miss Islaub quit modelling but admits her recovery is a 'life long game' of learning to love herself.

'I lost my period for four years, my bones became frail, my digestive issues are a constant struggle, stomach issues, endless issues I have to deal with now,' she explained.

'I was so severely underweight and was still not happy with myself. I would never have been skinny enough for my eating disorder. 

'The amount of damage and stress I put on my body could have very closely lead to death.'

In order to adjust her perspective on exercise, Miss Islaub now visits celebrity personal trainer and owner of Acero Training, Jono Castano, and has all but completely stopped doing cardio.

'It's all about building muscle. My diet has changed immensely, I eat a healthy balanced diet. Lots of protein, good fats and good carbs,' she said.

'I train a lot because I love it. Probably six days a week. Jono has written me a program of upper body training days and lower body days. All weight based. 

In order to adjust her perspective on exercise, Miss Islaub now visits personal trainer Jono Castano and has all but completely stopped doing cardio

Miss Islaub hopes by sharing her story with others they will recognise how powerful - and potentially harmful - comparing yourself to people on social media can be

'Obviously with training so much I need to make sure I am eating a lot so I'm gaining weight and not losing weight. Last time I checked I was around 54 kilos.'

Miss Islaub hopes by sharing her story with others they will recognise how powerful - and potentially harmful - comparing yourself to people on social media can be. 

'It's their job to edit those photos and use Photoshop to remove every normal "flaw",' she said.

'Unfollow the accounts that are making you feel cr*p, and know that to feel strong, to have self love, be confident and comfortable in your own skin is the most incredible gift,' she said.    

'I never want anyone to have to go through this, its been the hardest time of my life.

*If you need help or support for an eating disorder or body image issue, please call Butterfly's National Helpline on 1800 334 673 or e-mail support@thebutterflyfoundation.org.au*